The Christmas Tree Incident

As I stated in my "About Me" section, I have a bit of a temper. It has caused some problems for me in the past, but it has also provided me with a wealth of awesome stories. All of which I will eventually post here! And here is the first installment...

It was December. It was opening night of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. The Mrs. and I were living in San Diego at the time. We knew to get there early so we could get a good seat, so we arrived several hours before showtime. The parking lot was packed. I mean R.E. Dickulus Lee packed. So we drove around looking for a spot for about 20 minutes. Fruitless.

I then drove across the street to the parking lot of a Ralph's grocery store. Just as packed. We spent about 10 minutes driving around in there looking for a spot. Needless to say, the rage was building. I spy a man pulling out of a spot. I pull up, put on my blinker and wait. Unfortunately, he decided to go the oppostite way I was facing, so that as he pulled out of the spot, someone else pulled in right behind him before I could even blink. This newcomer was in for a treat.

I had been patiently waiting for this spot with a smile on my face, knowing that but moments away I would be transported to a magical land with dwarves and hobbits aplenty. But then the dark forces of Mordor sent a 30 something asian man in a tan hatchback to steal my spot out of the blue. My initial response in most circumstances like this is to fight the person who has so offended me. So I throw the door open, and prepare to dispatch this foolish creature. My wife, on the other hand, wanted me to forget it and drive away. She screamed for me to get back in the car, and not do anything stupid because she didnt know how to bail me out of jail. I looked the little man in his face and he locked his door and just stared back wide eyed.

I was presented with two choices: 1. get back in the car (unacceptable! this prick had to know he had done wrong!) 2. give out some justice. I went with option 2. As stated before, he had a hatchback. Sticking out of said hatchback was a Christmas tree. I calmly walked over to his car, removed his Christmas tree (which he didnt deserve to have), I threw his accursed shrubbery into the parking lot, got back into my car..........and ran it over. Fuck you Mister.